I think I know why God has allowed this cancer. He’s using me for His glory and I couldn’t be happier about that. The amount of people who have told me over the past four years how my conduct through this ordeal has helped them is remarkable.
Dare I say I’m a beacon? Sharing my strength with others as needed. Praying with them. Crying with them. Holding them up. It sounds very self-sacrificing, but it’s not.
They strengthen me as well.
Calming during the storm … sharing a hope for the future.
Of course it’s only because of God that I can say that.
Fighting cancer with God on my side makes me believe I’m strong.
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. ~ Romans 8:28 (NASB)
Am I strong?
Perhaps, but it’s only because I’ve got the strength of a very powerful God within me.
But does being strong and feeling the power of God within me stop my tears during this season?
And it has bothered me. I think I’m weak. When the tears well up and spill out I start to think that I’m not trusting God enough.
Soon though, the tears dry up and I think about my situation in light of my God, understanding that it’s okay to cry. God knows our tears. He even expects our tears. We are His frail creation that must depend on Him for comfort and strength.
He knows through my tears that I don’t love Him any less. He knows that I still trust Him, have faith in Him, lean on Him, and look to Him for guidance … for courage.
Even though I cry. That supreme peace floods my heart and soul.
Are you crying? Are you worried that God thinks you’re somehow less because of your tears? Don’t. Stop those thoughts immediately. That’s the devil driving spears into your faith. God’s love will never leave you. Remember that you’re His child and He loves you beyond what you can imagine.
Tears or not.